Confession Time

Have you ever seen that scene at the beginning of Pretty Woman where Vivian (Julia Roberts) is getting dressed for, ahem...'work' for the evening, and after she puts her boots on, she colors in the scuffs with a black marker? My junior high mind grabbed onto that technique and thought it was pure genius. I'm slightly ashamed to announce that scene prompted a Sharpie to be my shoe polish of choice for my teen years. And to say it stopped there would be a lie. I keep a Sharpie in my pencil cup at my desk at work, and have been known to use it on my shoes for several shoe-emergencies. Which includes 10 minutes ago. It works like a charm. A ghetto-fabulous charm, but a charm nonetheless.

Congrats, Mom. You've raised a true lady. But you'll be relieved to know that's the ONLY habit I took from Julia's character in that movie. I ain't no streetwalker.

Biggest "duh" of the news day...

Shockingly, a study has come out today saying that tanning beds cause skin cancer.

Well DUH, CNN.

Next, you're going to tell me that jumping into a pool of hungry piranhas could lead to death. Does it REALLY??!

This is what gets me hot.

My office mate, Jasmin, walked into our little office the other day, handed me something, and said the following:

"Here. I brought you some porn."

It was the Pottery Barn catalog. Be still my beating heart. I love that my co-workers know me so well, and indulge me in my addictions.

For those readers that don't know, I work in HR. And yes, we make references to porn. We are ALWAYS at the height of professionalism.

Breakfast of Champions

Yesterday, we had a potluck at work. As with any potluck, there's always a TON of food leftover. As my co-worker and I peered into the fridge this morning, we were met with several breakfast possibilities, none of which were healthy or typical for breakfast. Please take into consideration that last night I bent down in my kitchen to pick something up, and the button fell, (nay, FLEW) off my shorts. On top of that, I'm still expected to wear a bathing suit in public at least 3 more times during the summer. That should have been enough to convince me to eat yogurt and flax seed for two weeks. SHOULD HAVE.

We settled on macaroni and cheese, and pesto pasta salad. FABU. To add insult to injury...what happens after you carbo-load? A slammin' food coma. At 9:45 am. I'm going to be a stellar employee today. My company is lucky to have me.


*apologies for the blogging hiatus. Been travelling around the east coast for the last week or so. Pictures to come...if I can get my act together. :)

What's the Difference?

Today, my friend and I were having lunch at lovely Pho place in Montrose. For those of you not familiar with Pho, it's a Vietnamese soup with noodles, beef, and an array of other sauces, veggies, and herbs you can add to make it your own.

We weren't sure how big the portions were, and we were debating on whether we should order a small or a large. So we asked our pleasant waitress, "What's the difference between the small and the large?"

Her answer: "The size."


Uh yeah, thanks.


An interesting side note: One of the condiments you can add to your Pho is spicy chili. Do yourself a favor: Don't spill a bunch of it on the table, try to clean it up, then later wipe your nose with fingers that likely have chili remnants on them. Your nostrils will be on fire for the duration of your meal, and beyond. Kind of like mine are right now.

Keeping it classy. And random.

In my continuing fascination with all things that grow, tonight I was hoping to post a picture of what I'm confident is the biggest lemon in at least 83 states. (I'm aware there are only 50 states, I'm just trying to express how huge this monolith is.) My parents have a freakish lemon tree in their backyard that grows huge fruit, and this dear arbor has outdone itself this time. This sucker was somewhere between the size of a grapefruit and a cantaloupe. But after all this buildup of what was sure to be your most exciting stop on the web this evening, I didn't have my camera to capture the glory. So sorry, dear reader. First the losses of Michael and Farrah, now this lemon thing. I'm a monster for inflicting this on you.

BUT WAIT! DON'T HIT THE BACK BUTTON!

I have a plan B for tonight's post. I know you're inconsolable, but perhaps you can drown your sorrows in this. Below is a picture of the beer that was served at the wedding I coordinated last night.
Your eyes do not deceive you. It is indeed "Doggie Style" beer.

Some Cuteness and Slight Abuse for your Saturday