I don't understand....

I'm going to make this "I don't understand...." post a regular thing here on the Rant. Now, when I say "regular", God only knows how often that may be, as my posting has fallen embarrassingly short in 2010. I blame Facebook. Or rather, I blame my unhealthy attachment to Facebook. But let's give it a go anyway.

I don't understand....

1. Justin Bieber or "Bieber Fever". Anyone else feel like he looks like Keira Knightly in Domino?
2. Why we still hear about Kate Gosselin.
3. Why "Pretty Wild" has been given airtime on E!. I feel dumber just from seeing the commercials.
4. Why people say liberry, supposably, or Valentime's.
5. Blue Man Group. I've seen it 3 times, and granted, I enjoyed it. But when I think about it, I'm not quite sure why.

More to come...I hope.

I drink coffee now. God help you.

I have a lot of energy. I made it through college and my twenties without becoming a coffee drinker. People are amazed that I haven't succumbed to what every other American considers a crucial morning ritual. In fact, I don't drink caffeine at ALL. It makes me too jittery and nervous. I get BEYOND hyper. Don't like what it does to me.

Until now. My office was recently given one of those espresso machines. It makes individual cups of coffee from these little pods, and also has a separate machine to make milk foam. I decided to see what all the fuss was about, because everyone seems to be worshipping at the teet of this machine. So I had my pal Pants (an ex-Starbucks barista) walk me through the steps of making a latte. It's all a blur now, but there was sugar involved, and somewhere along the way caramel syrup was added as well. And the foam...oh the heavenly foam. Topped off with a cross-hatch of caramel sundae syrup, I was SOLD. I'm now on my 5th consecutive workday of a 10am coffee break. When my co-workers see me stride back to the break room with my mug, they know it means trouble. By Tuesday, Jasmin was advising people to grab a helmet as I walked back.

This is a Disney interpretation of what my co-workers go through when the blessed java hits my system:

Mixed Message

This is what sits outside the building where I work.

Um, really folks? REALLY?

The Japanese think they're pretty funny with that Wii contraption.

My future bro-in-law showed me a piece of YouTube comedic gold last night, and it must be shared and passed on to the masses. And by "masses", I'm referring to the 4 people that read this blog. Yes, I'm up from 3. My mom reads it now.

This is a clip from Australia's version of the "Today" show. The hosts are trying out Wii Curling. On a side note, I think the sport of curling was invented by a woman, as a way to get men psyched about sweeping. But that's another post. Enjoy the video, and you're welcome....




I'm telling you, if Matt Lauer and Meredith Viera did this, they wouldn't have to worry about falling behind in the ratings with Good Morning America. Stephanopoulos (sp?) would be crushed.

3 things I never thought I'd say....but said tonight.

-"Should I hold on to this 6 yards of green plaid John Deere fabric or throw it away?"

-"This McSnack Wrap is delectable."

-"Poor Boner."

Inefficient Laziness....

After dinner tonight, I went into the kitchen to clean up after myself, and the dirty frying pan, rice cooker, plate, glass, cutting board, and utensils were too much for me to fathom cleaning at that moment. Even worse, the dishwasher was not an option, as it was already running. I had no choice but to wash them BY HAND. Ugh. This is one of those things my friend Vrej refers to as one of my "first world problems". And he's totally right. But I still wasn't going to wash my dishes.

So I head back upstairs for a while and finish a couple other chores that didn't seem so "difficult". I padded down the stairs about an hour later to find that the dishes HAD NOT CLEANED THEMSELVES. After the shock wore off, I noticed the dishwasher had finished running. I then had the brilliant idea that if I just emptied the dishwasher, I could pop my dishes in there, and avoid washing them altogether. Genius. Except for this: the amount of time I spent emptying the dishwasher, putting it's contents in their correct spots, followed by rinsing my dirty (and now dried up) dishes and placing them in took more time than if I'd just washed them by hand in the first place.

But hey, I avoided the hassle of HAVING TO GRAB THE DISH SOAP. My name is Jen, and I excel at inefficient laziness. Score one for me.

Attention: Cookies

An open letter to the cookies on my kitchen counter:

Dear "Chocolate Wows",

Stop torturing me. I'm working out. I'm eating well. And yet I ended up in your trance for the third day in a row. Leave me alone.

Also, your name is retarded.

Signed,
Jen