I drink coffee now. God help you.

I have a lot of energy. I made it through college and my twenties without becoming a coffee drinker. People are amazed that I haven't succumbed to what every other American considers a crucial morning ritual. In fact, I don't drink caffeine at ALL. It makes me too jittery and nervous. I get BEYOND hyper. Don't like what it does to me.

Until now. My office was recently given one of those espresso machines. It makes individual cups of coffee from these little pods, and also has a separate machine to make milk foam. I decided to see what all the fuss was about, because everyone seems to be worshipping at the teet of this machine. So I had my pal Pants (an ex-Starbucks barista) walk me through the steps of making a latte. It's all a blur now, but there was sugar involved, and somewhere along the way caramel syrup was added as well. And the foam...oh the heavenly foam. Topped off with a cross-hatch of caramel sundae syrup, I was SOLD. I'm now on my 5th consecutive workday of a 10am coffee break. When my co-workers see me stride back to the break room with my mug, they know it means trouble. By Tuesday, Jasmin was advising people to grab a helmet as I walked back.

This is a Disney interpretation of what my co-workers go through when the blessed java hits my system: