Sunday, March 22, 2009
We will rendezvous the day after Easter, on my couch. I swear. I'll be the one with the tall glass of milk. In the meantime, just stay in the freezer and leave me the hell alone.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Sorry, found the above picture while I was searching on google image...I HAD to figure out a way to use it in this post. Back to the hair care subject at hand.
I love banana clips. I pine for them. And my wish is that they were cool again. Back when they were in style, I was 13, and my hair looked like this:
This is not me. It's Dorothy Hamill during some Olympic medal ceremony. But that is EXACTLY what my hair looked like. Not banana clip-friendly. Or looking-like-a-girl-friendly either. But that is a WHOLE other can of worms we're not going to address today.
Now I have long, thick hair. With a set of hot rollers and a banana clip, I would be unstoppable. (At least in my head I would be.) Plenty of things have come back in style. For instance, skinny jeans made a return to being trendy, so why can't banana clips? Maybe in the meantime, I will go ahead and bring them back anyway. Lindsay Lohan brought leggings back into our lives without asking our opinion, so I will charge forward with the banana clip movement.
Who's with me?? Anyone?
Well, how about we bring banana clips back, Levar Burton style?
*It's plain to see I had WAY to much fun on Google Image this morning.
Friday, March 13, 2009
Today, I bring you another charming internet dating exchange, compliments of the aforementioned Plenty of Fish. The following is an email I received from a member no more than 30 minutes ago:
"How would you like to have a guy give you a nice foot massage, then suck your toes and lick your feet while you relax for as long as you want? Let me know if you would be interested. Looking forward to hearing from you soon! Alex"
Ready? Set? GROSS.
No, I didn't mention 'hang out with my totally awesome feet' as one of my interests on my dating profile. And by the way, I did not change his name to protect his anonymity. Alex doesn't deserve protection. WOMEN are the ones needing protection from a creepshow that thinks this is an ok way to introduce themselves. Ladies, if you're surfing through Plenty of Fish, and a foot-loving dude named Alex sends you a message, save yourself the 12 seconds of message reading, and delete without remorse. Unless you're strangely proud of your feet...and if that's the case, you crazy kids just might hit it off.
And you know what? That's not even the worst message I've received while being on this site. But I can't bring myself to post them because they're pure trash. While I know I can post whatever the hell I want on my blog, I'd still like this forum to maintain a SHRED of dignity.
And of course, nothing screams "dignity" like talking about a creep from the internet with a foot fetish. Oh yeah, and lest we forget, there was also "sugar tits". That was a shining moment as well.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
His sign off?
"Talk to you later, Sugar-tits."
Um, thanks pal. I'm floored at your gallantry. Proof positive that romance is not dead. I can't wait to talk to you again. Really. Of course, you ARE a San Francisco Giants fan. I should have seen it coming a mile away.
NOTE: Let it be known that the pictures I put on my profile do NOT suggest that such a nickname would be acceptable. I would happily show my 99 year-old grandmother any of the pictures I posted.