Monday, January 28, 2008


Hey everyone!

This is going to be a quick post...I'm blogging from onboard the Carnival Victory, somewhere in the Carribean Sea (which also means I'm paying 75 cents a minute for crap internet connections)...I'm on a cruise along with my friend Carla, and the trip is hosted by the band Barenaked Ladies, plus a bunch of other bands, and it's been nothing short of amazing since we arrived! We arrived to the cruise terminal in Miami Sunday, only to all be greeted by Ed Robertson (lead singer of BNL) as everyone boarded the ship. Some of the other bands on board are Carbon Leaf, Guster, and Gaelic Storm, among probably 20 others...check them out if you get a chance! There's so much to do, you forget to stop to eat! I didn't eat until 3pm this afternoon, simply because we were so busy running from show to show (and anyone that knows me knows that Jen skipping a meal EVER is nothing short of miraculous). Tomorrow we stop in Grand Cayman and I hope to do some snorkeling, and Wednesday we're in Jamaica, where we're taking a tour of some of the rainforests/waterfalls. I've developed a talent for falling, so please pray I don't fall trying to climb that waterfall!

I return on Friday night, at which point I'll need to start dealing with my car getting fixed at a body shop. The evening after we left LA, my car got hit while it was sitting in Carla's DRIVEWAY (that's right, not on the street, 'safely' in the driveway). The girl who did it has totally admitted fault, but it's still a pain, and kind of a lame way to start off vacation. I love my car! But right now, I'm barely giving it a passing thought, as we're having a great time!

I'll report back with pictures and stories when I return! Off to's 'formal' night, and everyone has been instructed to wear's like Ireland's 40 shades of green out here tonight. My dad would be in HEAVEN.

Margarita on the Carnival Victory- $5
Total cost of doing this post: $1,622.84
Hanging out with BNL for 5 days: PRICELESS


Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Texting...God bless it, but God damn it.

Texting. I have to say, I bucked it, and I resisted it for a good long while. It reminded me of the advent of call texting, I could see it's practicality, but I was fine without it. After all, I'd survived up until that point just calling someone back when there was no longer a busy signal. Then my parents got call waiting on our phone, and slowly I grew to depend on the tiny beep that abruptly cut off the words of the person talking on the other end. It started get to the point that when I'd get a busy signal, I'd curse the person for living in the dark ages. I couldn't imagine life without it, and frankly...I didn't want to. Now, literally EVERYONE has call you remember the last time you heard a busy signal? Go ahead, think about it...I'll bet you either can't remember when it was, or it was a loooooooong time ago.

This is where I fear we're going with texting. We're becoming a text dependent society. And it's really not saving us any fact, it takes me longer to type out a text than it would to just call the person back and give them my reply. And I do that sometimes...I just can't be bothered. There are good things, no, GREAT things about texting, and I'd be lost without it...confirming a location, getting a quick question answered, all makes life a little bit easier. My issue begins when texting becomes a substitute for a full conversation. Good Lord, just call me if you want to know how I'm doing! I can't deal with the limited vocabulary of my T9 to convey my thoughts, while trying to fit it into 160 characters or less (my phone is over 2 years old...I can't text an entire novel yet like everyone else can on their CrackBerrys). Nothing has become more annoying than starting to date a guy that is a chronic texter and word-abbreviater. OMG, can't you give me the courtesy of calling me to ask me for a date? And FYI, nothing makes us ladies feel more special than "Hey. R U Free 2morrow nite?". Classy. Sack it up, be a man, and call me for God sakes. You wouldn't text your Mom on Mother's Day, so don't do it to me to ask me out.

Now I'm sure you're all wondering what the hell Mr. Pretty in the picture here is wearing. Do any of you out there remember the movie Demolition Man? There's a scene where Sandra Bullock brings Sylvester Stallone back to her apartment and asks him to have sex with her. As if the idea of someone VOLUNTARILY propositioning Sly for sex wasn't enough comedy for the masses, she comes out with these two helmets (see lame picture), and they proceed to have ultra-sterile virtual sex from opposite sides of the room (the scene is up on You it). This helmet-massager guy reminded me of that scene. They look ridiculous. No matter how good looking you are, you are guaranteed to look like a total tard wearing this thing. NOT SEXY. Victoria's Secret won't be carrying these anytime soon.

BTW, the point is (and I AM getting to it) that we as humans are beginning to detach ourselves from each other by texting instead of actually talking to each other. Granted, Demolition Man took it to the extreme, but the point was that people became so detached from each other, that basic human contact started to seem foreign, unnatural, and downright icky. So, for the sake of mankind, don't underestimate the value of an actual conversation with your BFF. Hell, if you're feeling really saucy, why not meet them for coffee/conversation in PERSON?! But I digress...this may be too much at one time. Baby steps....

Now, what did we learn today, boys and girls? Don't over-text people...or you'll end up having helmet sex with Rambo in the year 2032. LOL.


Tuesday, January 22, 2008

My Dating Bible

For all my reader out there (that's right, reader...singular. I'm not so arrogant as to think I'm getting the same number of hits as Perez Hilton already. That won't come until next week.), I thought I'd give you a background on my current dating philosophy, and how I got there, so you can understand my future posts better.

The last boyfriend I had was over 3 years ago. Shortly after we broke up, I got a second job as a wedding coordinator...I worked (and continue to) 6, sometimes 7 days a week during the busy season. This left little time to find a guy, and I really didn't put it at the top of my priority list anyway. I had a few dates here and there, but nothing to write home about. Lonliness sucked, but it was safe. And I figured God would just take care of it and would provide the perfect man in due time, flinging the poor bastard out of the sky and right into my lap. But as my friend Amanda once said, "You have to meet God halfway." And she's right.

So this past summer (2007), I decided to get more proactive about dating. Now proactive doesn't mean desperate. I don't have to be "puttin' out the vibe" at the bar in my orange tux a la Lloyd Christmas in Dumb and Dumber. It just means I decided to put myself in more situations upping my odds for meeting someone. This means going out more, trying new things, getting set up by friends or family, and stepping out of my comfort zone in general. And as a modern woman, this also meant using the internet as one of my tools, so I joined Yes folks, I'm on an internet dating service, and I'm not afraid to say it. When I confessed to my friend Jeff my internet dating secret, he poo-pooed it as nothing, "Oh honey, who cares? The gays have been using the internet to date for years." And so I had the blessing from my fairy godmother! Woo-hoo! I forged ahead with my new mission.

However, at 29 years old, I still wasn't equipped to handle dating. I'd go out with someone I liked, and I wouldn't hear from them again after a seemingly great meeting. Each time, I was CRUSHED when I didn't hear from them. CRUSHED. The rejection sucked, and it kept happening over and over. It's the nature of're either rejecting or being rejected. The final straw was when I went out with a guy I'd met through my second job, let's call him "Calvin Klein"...CK for short. CK and I went to a Dodger game, and he took perfect care of me the entire day...unbelievable seats, hot dogs, beer, whatever I needed, even down to removing the gum off my shoe I'd managed to step in the second we arrived. The seventh inning stretch turned into the seventh inning smooch. And even though the Dodgers lost that day, I was totally happy. We talked a couple times after our great day together, but there was never a date #2. He just fell off the planet. I was ready to give up, the rejection was too much, especially from CK. I was getting too emotionally invested way too quickly...crying over someone I'd been out with ONCE. I felt like the crazy, desperate girl that I'd been trying so hard not to be. I resigned to the sad fact that I was not cut out for dating, and contemplated resuming my old existence.

But my fabulous friend Ro would hear nothing of that. After a couple weeks of hearing nothing from CK and sensing I was at my dating wit's end, she shoved a book in my hands called The Four Man Plan by Cindy Lu. As I looked at her doubtfully, she said, "I know you're not a big reader, but you will LOVE this book. READ IT." Of course, she was right...I've read it at least 3 times, and I've bought copies for my other single friends. It reduces dating to simple mathematical equations. It gives rules and guidelines to dating several people at once, and it's amazing how well it works. Never in my life have I dated more than one guy at once until now(I always thought it was dishonest to the other guys), but it makes dating so much more fun! You stop worrying if the guy you're with at that moment likes you or not, because there are other dudes on your horizon to think about. You're free to be yourself, and if one decides to fall off the map, it's his loss, and it doesn't hurt as much, because you can just shift your focus to someone else. It helps you find an honest fit in a guy, not a desperate, last resort fit. Still as I type, I feel like I'm not doing it justice, and it still might be sounding like a literary excuse to be slutty. Just check out her website ( If you know a single girl that needs dating help, you'll run out and buy her this book. I swear, with the amount I've been whoring this book out to people, the author should be giving me a cut of her sales.

Do I have favorite guys that still inexplicably disappear? Yup. (This past weekend ALONE is a post in itself...maybe tomorrow night) I may get bummed, but it doesn't ruin me. My self-worth isn't wrapped up in it. I haven't figured it all out yet, and I've still got a LOT to learn. And that's how I look at each dude that drifts in and out of my life. They all teach me something new that I file away in my brain, and I don't regret a single one of them crossing my path. Even CK. So, bring it on, boys!

I like ending my day typing out my thoughts...maybe some other gal out in the blogosphere has had a similar experience, and reading my entry will make her realize she's not the only one. Even if no one is reading it, it's free therapy to me to type it all out. I'm exactly like Doogie Howser at the end of every episode, waxing poetic on the day's thoughts and events. Except I'm not a 14 year old gay doctor prodigy boy. Besides, if I had access to that many tongue depressors, I'd probably not use them for their intended purpose. I'd just fling them across the office at my co-workers. So I guess Doog and I aren't as alike as I first thought. Meh.

Monday, January 21, 2008

Here We Go....

Hello out there!!! I'm not sure how this whole blog thing is going to work out for me, but I'm going to give it a shot, starting today. I've wanted a place I could document my thoughts, ideas, pictures, experiences, etc., and I thought, "What better place than out on the internet for all the world to see?" A couple of my friends have started writing blogs, and I've become mildly obsessed with reading them. I love it. And a written journal is just no one gets to read it and silently judge the heck out of me when it's shoved under my mattress with that cheap little suitcase-lock thingy. This way, you all can read, comment, and lurk to your heart's content. GO.

As anyone who has met me knows, my dating experiences can be completely absurd. After hearing another one of my stories one night, one of my favorite people told me, "You really should blog about all these guys you go out with, so we can follow along with all your adventures." So I'm taking his advice and doing it. One of the big focuses of this blog is going to document these yahoos I've been meeting up with. Now to all you gentlemen out there waiting patiently for your number to be called, know that I'm going to try to keep this as anonymous as possible. I will not post your real name here, or any huge defining characteristics that might give your identity away. (DISCLAIMER: this does not apply to those guys that show up to my door with a hook for a hand, a la Captain Hook or Buster Bluth. Any pirate-like suitors will be described in's my duty as a woman to warn the others. Deal with it.) Of course, now that I've established a forum to talk about this stuff, Murphy's Law will dictate that I'll probably meet my soulmate tomorrow, and there won't be any more off-the-wall stories to tell. Bad for you, but great for me.

Outside of dating, this blog will be a general place for me to rant about life, document trips, and whatever I feel like writing, just because I can. If you don't like it, the 'back' button is waiting for you to click it.