Friday, August 13, 2010

I'm so excited....

I'm so excited. I just booked a Labor Day trip to Chicago, and the 3 week wait just may be the death of me. It's also Friday the 13th, so of course, I'm also supposed to be scared, apparently. So there is no more relavent video I could post today to encapsulate this range of emotion of excited AND scared than the one below.

Plus, this video makes me lose it every time I watch. Happy Friday the 13th, y'all. I'll get back to my job soon as I watch this repeatedly. 13 times.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Patches? We don't need no stinking patches!

I love living in Pasadena. There is absolutely no where else I'd live in the greater LA area. The 'dena has unique restaurants, gorgeous historic architecture (which much of Southern California lacks), it's close to church(aka Dodger Stadium), and it's a fairly walkable town, which is unheard of in LA. And compared to the rest of the City of Angels, there seems to be less gratuitous plastic surgery per capita. WORD.

And now, Pasadena has just gone up a couple notches for me. For the month of July, the city is hosting a FREE film festival every weekend (I could kick myself for not finding this out earlier). And as if this couldn't get any better, are you ready for this Saturday's movie? TROOP BEVERLY HILLS! UH. MUH. GAH.

What classic film were you expecting me to get worked up over? The English Patient? Nay. Here's one thing you should know about Jen: she loves awesomely bad 80's movies, and Troop Beverly Hills is the epitome this genre. She also likes to periodically refer to herself in the third person. Both of these things don't bother her. Deal.

Back to the subject at hand: the cinematic gem that is TBH. Besides Shelley Long's alarmingly fake red hair in the flick, I loved the madcap adventures of Phyllis Nefler and her Wilderness Girls of extreme privilege. It parodies all the ridiculousness that was (and still is) the lifestyle of the wealthy in SoCal. Yet in the midst of all this materialism, this movie manages to have a huge heart. I remember watching the film 3,461 times when I was a wee Girl Scout in middle-class suburbia, wishing I could be so lucky as to have a camping backpack made by Giorgio, and have the opportunity to sell girl scout cookies in Beverly Hills to the likes of Kareem Abdul Jabbar and Pia Zadora. Of course, I DID sell Thin Mints and Tagalongs to this guy and his wife every year, but somehow it didn't feel like it counted, as it was a Glendora tract home, and not the hills of Beverly. Of course, now I realize I was fortunate to be a normal girl scout selling cookies in front of the local grocery store, and not through a star-studded telethon. But when you're 9, your life's wishlist is a bit different.

In short, I adore this movie, and I can't wait for Saturday. I'm bringing the fondue.

Friday, June 18, 2010

I don't understand....

1. Laker fans. They riot if we win, and they riot if we lose. But did you SEE that game last night? Unreal. Pau Gasol may look homeless, but that Spaniard is awesome.

2. Stupid's Friday, and they've been everywhere this week. (I guess this goes hand in hand with #1) WHY are people so stupid? I forget that the rest of the world doesn't necessarily surround themselves with people of intelligence and common sense. If that came off as snobby, I totally meant it that way.

3. Men. Don't understand you people. End of story.

4. Why wine must contain so many calories. It's really cramping my style.

5. Where all the Sex and the City reruns went. They used to be EVERYWHERE. I can only watch so many episodes of Everybody Loves Raymond. Ugh.

6. Everybody Loves Raymond (since we're on the subject). People LOVE this show. I don't get it. It portrays husbands as bumbling idiots, and wives as nagging bitches. Yeah, that's NEVER been done in a sitcom before. Way to break new ground. It's painful for me to watch that show.

Happy Friday, y'all.

Friday, May 28, 2010

Gary Coleman

Arnold Jackson and his black goldfish, Abraham have been reunited in the big fishbowl in the sky. Arnold, maybe now you can ask God what Willis was talkin' about.

Your later years on earth did not look like a happy existence for you. I hope you rest in peace, Gary.

Friday, May 7, 2010

And this is why Pioneer Woman and I should be BFF's.

Ask any of my friends...I'm nothing short of a disciple of the Pioneer Woman. I never had any interest in life on a cattle ranch until I started reading her blog. And it just looks like so much darn fun. Hunky husband? Check. Cute kids? Check. Endless photo opportunities on the open plains? Check. Picture taking, cooking, and blog-writing for a living? CHECK. Plus, she's totally my people. I love her fabulous, self-deprecating sense of humor.

Today I read a post she wrote that made me love her a little more. She's the epitome of maturity. Much like myself.

Proof positive that we are kindred souls.

NOTE: I'm not creepy. I have a healthy, non-stalkery respect for PW. Thank you.

Thursday, May 6, 2010


I just read that Gary Busey is a father again. Can't there be a law requiring that he be sterilized? Or better yet, castrated? That gene pool should not be swam in by ANYONE. Heck, you shouldn't even stick a toe in to test the temperature. Gary Busey's DNA is how mutants are created. (Test results are still pending on this.)

Don't know who Gary Busey is? Consider yourself a better human being than I. Here's a video....

Saturday, May 1, 2010

I don't understand....

I'm going to make this "I don't understand...." post a regular thing here on the Rant. Now, when I say "regular", God only knows how often that may be, as my posting has fallen embarrassingly short in 2010. I blame Facebook. Or rather, I blame my unhealthy attachment to Facebook. But let's give it a go anyway.

I don't understand....

1. Justin Bieber or "Bieber Fever". Anyone else feel like he looks like Keira Knightly in Domino?
2. Why we still hear about Kate Gosselin.
3. Why "Pretty Wild" has been given airtime on E!. I feel dumber just from seeing the commercials.
4. Why people say liberry, supposably, or Valentime's.
5. Blue Man Group. I've seen it 3 times, and granted, I enjoyed it. But when I think about it, I'm not quite sure why.

More to come...I hope.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

I drink coffee now. God help you.

I have a lot of energy. I made it through college and my twenties without becoming a coffee drinker. People are amazed that I haven't succumbed to what every other American considers a crucial morning ritual. In fact, I don't drink caffeine at ALL. It makes me too jittery and nervous. I get BEYOND hyper. Don't like what it does to me.

Until now. My office was recently given one of those espresso machines. It makes individual cups of coffee from these little pods, and also has a separate machine to make milk foam. I decided to see what all the fuss was about, because everyone seems to be worshipping at the teet of this machine. So I had my pal Pants (an ex-Starbucks barista) walk me through the steps of making a latte. It's all a blur now, but there was sugar involved, and somewhere along the way caramel syrup was added as well. And the foam...oh the heavenly foam. Topped off with a cross-hatch of caramel sundae syrup, I was SOLD. I'm now on my 5th consecutive workday of a 10am coffee break. When my co-workers see me stride back to the break room with my mug, they know it means trouble. By Tuesday, Jasmin was advising people to grab a helmet as I walked back.

This is a Disney interpretation of what my co-workers go through when the blessed java hits my system:

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Mixed Message

This is what sits outside the building where I work.

Um, really folks? REALLY?

Friday, March 5, 2010

The Japanese think they're pretty funny with that Wii contraption.

My future bro-in-law showed me a piece of YouTube comedic gold last night, and it must be shared and passed on to the masses. And by "masses", I'm referring to the 4 people that read this blog. Yes, I'm up from 3. My mom reads it now.

This is a clip from Australia's version of the "Today" show. The hosts are trying out Wii Curling. On a side note, I think the sport of curling was invented by a woman, as a way to get men psyched about sweeping. But that's another post. Enjoy the video, and you're welcome....

I'm telling you, if Matt Lauer and Meredith Viera did this, they wouldn't have to worry about falling behind in the ratings with Good Morning America. Stephanopoulos (sp?) would be crushed.

Thursday, February 25, 2010

3 things I never thought I'd say....but said tonight.

-"Should I hold on to this 6 yards of green plaid John Deere fabric or throw it away?"

-"This McSnack Wrap is delectable."

-"Poor Boner."

Monday, February 22, 2010

Inefficient Laziness....

After dinner tonight, I went into the kitchen to clean up after myself, and the dirty frying pan, rice cooker, plate, glass, cutting board, and utensils were too much for me to fathom cleaning at that moment. Even worse, the dishwasher was not an option, as it was already running. I had no choice but to wash them BY HAND. Ugh. This is one of those things my friend Vrej refers to as one of my "first world problems". And he's totally right. But I still wasn't going to wash my dishes.

So I head back upstairs for a while and finish a couple other chores that didn't seem so "difficult". I padded down the stairs about an hour later to find that the dishes HAD NOT CLEANED THEMSELVES. After the shock wore off, I noticed the dishwasher had finished running. I then had the brilliant idea that if I just emptied the dishwasher, I could pop my dishes in there, and avoid washing them altogether. Genius. Except for this: the amount of time I spent emptying the dishwasher, putting it's contents in their correct spots, followed by rinsing my dirty (and now dried up) dishes and placing them in took more time than if I'd just washed them by hand in the first place.

But hey, I avoided the hassle of HAVING TO GRAB THE DISH SOAP. My name is Jen, and I excel at inefficient laziness. Score one for me.

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Attention: Cookies

An open letter to the cookies on my kitchen counter:

Dear "Chocolate Wows",

Stop torturing me. I'm working out. I'm eating well. And yet I ended up in your trance for the third day in a row. Leave me alone.

Also, your name is retarded.


Sunday, January 31, 2010

The Grammys: My Stream of Conciousness

Paris and Prince Michael Jackson…you’re breaking my heart. Poor babies. I just want to hug you both. Good job, kiddos.

Stevie Nicks, slowly back away from the shoulder pads. It’s no longer ethereal looking. It’s retarded.

Taylor Swift, I love your songs. You have a gift, but what happened during the live performance tonight? Nails on a chalkboard, honey. However, your Album of the Year speech was so sweet, genuine, and humble; I can’t help but be happy for you.

Why don’t I keep 3D glasses in my house at the ready?

Smokey Robinson….are you preserved with formaldehyde?

Dave Matthews, you’re just awesome. Spot on, every time.

Celine Dion, allow me to buy you a hamburger. Please eat it.

Jon Bon Jovi, ever since you cut your hair, when I see your face, all I see Charlie Bucket from the original Willy Wonka movie. Jon, if you need a doppelganger Facebook profile pic, Charlie’s the way to go.

Beyonce, if anyone’s going to bring back chain mail, it’s going to be you and that dress.

Ricky Martin: lame presenter. But I’d like to take this moment to thank the Grammy people for NOT giving him the opportunity to perform. You know he would have dusted off “She Bangs” and thought it rocked.

Roberta Flack, you sang just lovely. But you looked totally high, and I’m pretty sure if someone asked you what your name was, you’d reply with “The blue fairies driving that Gremlin say I’m the Cookie Monster."

Lady Gaga, that’s enough. Love your songs, but figuring out your outfits absolutely exhausts me.

Elton John = Frankenstein. You're a phenomenal musician, but tonight, you looked...odd. Of course, I guess that's been the cornerstone of your career. The O.G. Lady Gaga.

Quentin Tarantino…um, what? You’re one weird cat.

Lil’ Wayne, pull up your pants.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

My newest investment...because I'm awesome.

Today I stopped by Old Navy, because I wanted to stock up on clothes that look like total crap after 2 washings. Two tank tops for $10 mysteriously seems to win over the buyer's remorse I feel when my purchases are lifeless and threadbare before I even take them out of the bag when I get them home. And yet I return again...and again.

But today was different. The most pleasant surprise I got from my sojourn cost a mere $4. Isn't it terribly charming? And purple? I think it just might be love....
No folks, it's not a pipe. It's a purple see-through plastic recorder. If anyone happened to spend their childhood years under a rock, a recorder is the first musical instrument most public school kids get shoved in their hands. And I was no exception. I played the crap out of my little beige recorder. And had the recorder makers of the 80's had the foresight to make them purple, you might have seen a musical commitment from me that would have made Yo-Yo Ma look like a screw off. But alas, the world never got to experience that untapped talent. Until today. I've already dusted off two of my favorite jams: Heaven is a Place on Earth by Belinda Carlisle...and Hot Cross Buns. And boy, were those buns HOT tonight. And quite cross.

Check out the quality craftsmanship:
Who knew Old Navy was now a supplier of sub-par musical instruments? I'll be going back next week to scour the shelves in the hopes of finding a hot-pink glockenspiel. But for now, excuse me...I have to go practice. I'm trying to master the Mozart Requiem by sunrise.

In My Head....

This is the song that I'm desperately trying to get out of my head this morning. It's from one of my favorite musicals, Avenue Q, and it's not really a song that's appropriate for me as a Human Resources employee to be singing in the office.

WARNING: If you're at work or have little kids careful with the volume. The lyrics are definitely NSFW.

I can't believe I put the abbreviation 'NSFW' on one of my posts. I feel like Perez Hilton. EW.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

More office fun...and Larry King.

As you can probably tell, I've changed the template on the ol' Rant of Yen. I was tired of all the green, and needed to shake things up. As my co-worker, Jasmin was skimming through the Rant this morning, she calls my office, and informs me of the following...

"You know, as I've been reading your blog, I've realized your new background reminds me of the Larry King Show. So when I'm reading your posts, all I'm thinking of is Larry King."

Great. When people think of me, they're thinking of an impossibly old frog-man in suspenders. Named LARRY. Who sometimes also looks like an alien or a Simpsons character. This does not help to promote the obvious sexiness that I strive to maintain on this site.

Methinks another template change might be required.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Today at the Office

It's been cold and rainy here in LA the last few days. I welcome it. I love the rain, and my obsession with all things weather-related reaches a fever pitch this time of the year. Ask anyone that knows me well about this ridiculous weather fascination of mine. A good tornado video is like porn to me. I'M. A. DORK.

The only downside to cold weather is that the building I work in is SO poorly insulated, I think it may actually be made with tinker toys (unconfirmed). Consequently, the office inside is an ice box when it's cold outside, even though the heat is on. My office mate wears a beanie on his balding head all day long, and I'm wearing my jacket. Then I got a brilliant beyond brilliant idea this morning. Here is our exchange:

Me: Hey Bizz, let's get matching Snuggies for our office!

Bizz: (Pausing, with an incredulous look) NO.

Me: C'mon, how funny would--

Bizz: No, Jen. NO.

He was insistent. It's funny what things people will take a firm stance on. With Obama, it's health care. For Bizz, it's a cheap backwards robe blankety thing. But in my defense, this is same man that just last week chased me down the parking lot and into the street with a dead rat in a box. I really thought that getting him on board for this craziness would be easy. Nay, sir.

After hearing our conversation, one of our co-workers walked in and introduced us to this piece of YouTube beauty:


Monday, January 11, 2010

Firsts for 2010

The new year may only be 10 days old, but I've already done 3 new things that I'm excited about.

New thing #1- First Football Game: I went to my first football game (outside of high school football, which hardly counts), and what a big one it was! It was the BCS championship game at the Rose Bowl between Alabama and Texas last week. AND IT WAS FREE. Allow me to explain....

My friend (and roomie) Rebecca and I took the afternoon off work, and headed down to the Rose Bowl to see what has been going on in our Pasadena backyard. Our objective was not to go to the game (we did not have tickets), but rather soak up the human experience in the form of redneck tailgaters. And while neither of us had any specific allegiance to either team, we decided to root for Alabama. For me, some of my good friends are die hard Bama fans, and for Becca, Alabama is closer in geographic proximity to her home state of Georgia. Hey, it's better than picking them based on who had the prettiest uniforms.

Upon arrival at the tailgate party outside the Rose Bowl, our first order of business was beer. This turned out to be more difficult than I expected. We waited an hour for Bud Light. At least it was cold. Because of the long line, the only sensible thing to do was to buy two. So I did.
Becca knows her beer. And she knows what's crap, and what's good. So consequently, she's NEVER HAD A BUD LIGHT. Why would she? Since that was the only option, she sucked it up and braved the nastiness. You can tell she's a little unsure of the drink she's just committed to.
But like any good girl, she drained that puppy. Such pride for my pal Becca.
After the beers and a phenomenal bratwurst, we wandered over to the Goo-Goo Dolls concert that was being put on by ESPN. It was what you'd expect of a Goo-Goo Dolls was fine. Nothing earth shattering. We staked out a spot, which is where we came across this gallant gentleman:He likes boobs.

Then we meet these guys, who are the brothers of one of my co-workers (she's not pictured). After they got interviewed by CBS for their fabulous attire, the one on the left asked us if we wanted to go to the game. We said that it would be fun, but we really couldn't afford scalped ticket prices, and our plan was just to be a part of the tailgating fun and go home. That was unacceptable. He then quickly procured a couple tickets, tossed them in my popcorn bag, and told us to have fun. To which Rebecca asked, "Um, are we gonna have to sleep with you for these?"

We didn't. He was just that generous. Wow. Here's me with my ticket and my kettle corn.

We got inside the stadium just in time for fireworks and the national anthem.

An incredible night, and a fabulous game. Thanks Paul, our mysterious ticket man, wherever you are.

New Thing #2- Baking: I'm no slouch in the kitchen, but baking is not my forte. I get worried that everything I bake is going to be undercooked, so consequently everything is overdone and dried out. Delish. In my quest to become a better baker, my mom gave me a Kitchen-Aid mixer for Christmas, and it's the best toy I've gotten in years. (Note: Referring to a kitchen appliance as a 'toy' officially makes you an a little bit o' denial.) Anyway, I made chocolate chip banana bread last night, and I'm terribly proud of it. It tasted like heaven. I even documented the action, just for you. You're welcome.

My mess.
The finished product. Not burned. Moist. Delicious. A success.

New Thing #3- Blogging: I've been MIA for well over a month, and my blogging record has not been stellar over the last few months. So this is my first 2010 post, making it my last new thing. I guess that's good because it means I'm out there living life. I'm just not telling both my readers about it. That is, if I even have 2 readers left....hello? Hello?

I know I've said it before, and I'll probably say it again, but I'm gonna try better with the blogging. I'm always happier if I'm writing. Remind me of this later when I become an apathetic blogger again. Thanks.

Happy 2010!