Tuesday, January 22, 2008

My Dating Bible

For all my reader out there (that's right, reader...singular. I'm not so arrogant as to think I'm getting the same number of hits as Perez Hilton already. That won't come until next week.), I thought I'd give you a background on my current dating philosophy, and how I got there, so you can understand my future posts better.

The last boyfriend I had was over 3 years ago. Shortly after we broke up, I got a second job as a wedding coordinator...I worked (and continue to) 6, sometimes 7 days a week during the busy season. This left little time to find a guy, and I really didn't put it at the top of my priority list anyway. I had a few dates here and there, but nothing to write home about. Lonliness sucked, but it was safe. And I figured God would just take care of it and would provide the perfect man in due time, flinging the poor bastard out of the sky and right into my lap. But as my friend Amanda once said, "You have to meet God halfway." And she's right.

So this past summer (2007), I decided to get more proactive about dating. Now proactive doesn't mean desperate. I don't have to be "puttin' out the vibe" at the bar in my orange tux a la Lloyd Christmas in Dumb and Dumber. It just means I decided to put myself in more situations upping my odds for meeting someone. This means going out more, trying new things, getting set up by friends or family, and stepping out of my comfort zone in general. And as a modern woman, this also meant using the internet as one of my tools, so I joined match.com. Yes folks, I'm on an internet dating service, and I'm not afraid to say it. When I confessed to my friend Jeff my internet dating secret, he poo-pooed it as nothing, "Oh honey, who cares? The gays have been using the internet to date for years." And so I had the blessing from my fairy godmother! Woo-hoo! I forged ahead with my new mission.

However, at 29 years old, I still wasn't equipped to handle dating. I'd go out with someone I liked, and I wouldn't hear from them again after a seemingly great meeting. Each time, I was CRUSHED when I didn't hear from them. CRUSHED. The rejection sucked, and it kept happening over and over. It's the nature of dating...you're either rejecting or being rejected. The final straw was when I went out with a guy I'd met through my second job, let's call him "Calvin Klein"...CK for short. CK and I went to a Dodger game, and he took perfect care of me the entire day...unbelievable seats, hot dogs, beer, whatever I needed, even down to removing the gum off my shoe I'd managed to step in the second we arrived. The seventh inning stretch turned into the seventh inning smooch. And even though the Dodgers lost that day, I was totally happy. We talked a couple times after our great day together, but there was never a date #2. He just fell off the planet. I was ready to give up, the rejection was too much, especially from CK. I was getting too emotionally invested way too quickly...crying over someone I'd been out with ONCE. I felt like the crazy, desperate girl that I'd been trying so hard not to be. I resigned to the sad fact that I was not cut out for dating, and contemplated resuming my old existence.

But my fabulous friend Ro would hear nothing of that. After a couple weeks of hearing nothing from CK and sensing I was at my dating wit's end, she shoved a book in my hands called The Four Man Plan by Cindy Lu. As I looked at her doubtfully, she said, "I know you're not a big reader, but you will LOVE this book. READ IT." Of course, she was right...I've read it at least 3 times, and I've bought copies for my other single friends. It reduces dating to simple mathematical equations. It gives rules and guidelines to dating several people at once, and it's amazing how well it works. Never in my life have I dated more than one guy at once until now(I always thought it was dishonest to the other guys), but it makes dating so much more fun! You stop worrying if the guy you're with at that moment likes you or not, because there are other dudes on your horizon to think about. You're free to be yourself, and if one decides to fall off the map, it's his loss, and it doesn't hurt as much, because you can just shift your focus to someone else. It helps you find an honest fit in a guy, not a desperate, last resort fit. Still as I type, I feel like I'm not doing it justice, and it still might be sounding like a literary excuse to be slutty. Just check out her website (http://www.thefourmanplan.com/). If you know a single girl that needs dating help, you'll run out and buy her this book. I swear, with the amount I've been whoring this book out to people, the author should be giving me a cut of her sales.

Do I have favorite guys that still inexplicably disappear? Yup. (This past weekend ALONE is a post in itself...maybe tomorrow night) I may get bummed, but it doesn't ruin me. My self-worth isn't wrapped up in it. I haven't figured it all out yet, and I've still got a LOT to learn. And that's how I look at each dude that drifts in and out of my life. They all teach me something new that I file away in my brain, and I don't regret a single one of them crossing my path. Even CK. So, bring it on, boys!

I like ending my day typing out my thoughts...maybe some other gal out in the blogosphere has had a similar experience, and reading my entry will make her realize she's not the only one. Even if no one is reading it, it's free therapy to me to type it all out. I'm exactly like Doogie Howser at the end of every episode, waxing poetic on the day's thoughts and events. Except I'm not a 14 year old gay doctor prodigy boy. Besides, if I had access to that many tongue depressors, I'd probably not use them for their intended purpose. I'd just fling them across the office at my co-workers. So I guess Doog and I aren't as alike as I first thought. Meh.

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