Paris and Prince Michael Jackson…you’re breaking my heart. Poor babies. I just want to hug you both. Good job, kiddos.
Stevie Nicks, slowly back away from the shoulder pads. It’s no longer ethereal looking. It’s retarded.
Taylor Swift, I love your songs. You have a gift, but what happened during the live performance tonight? Nails on a chalkboard, honey. However, your Album of the Year speech was so sweet, genuine, and humble; I can’t help but be happy for you.
Why don’t I keep 3D glasses in my house at the ready?
Smokey Robinson….are you preserved with formaldehyde?
Dave Matthews, you’re just awesome. Spot on, every time.
Celine Dion, allow me to buy you a hamburger. Please eat it.
Jon Bon Jovi, ever since you cut your hair, when I see your face, all I see Charlie Bucket from the original Willy Wonka movie. Jon, if you need a doppelganger Facebook profile pic, Charlie’s the way to go.
Beyonce, if anyone’s going to bring back chain mail, it’s going to be you and that dress.
Ricky Martin: lame presenter. But I’d like to take this moment to thank the Grammy people for NOT giving him the opportunity to perform. You know he would have dusted off “She Bangs” and thought it rocked.
Roberta Flack, you sang just lovely. But you looked totally high, and I’m pretty sure if someone asked you what your name was, you’d reply with “The blue fairies driving that Gremlin say I’m the Cookie Monster."
Lady Gaga, that’s enough. Love your songs, but figuring out your outfits absolutely exhausts me.
Elton John = Frankenstein. You're a phenomenal musician, but tonight, you looked...odd. Of course, I guess that's been the cornerstone of your career. The O.G. Lady Gaga.
Quentin Tarantino…um, what? You’re one weird cat.
Lil’ Wayne, pull up your pants.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
My newest investment...because I'm awesome.
Today I stopped by Old Navy, because I wanted to stock up on clothes that look like total crap after 2 washings. Two tank tops for $10 mysteriously seems to win over the buyer's remorse I feel when my purchases are lifeless and threadbare before I even take them out of the bag when I get them home. And yet I return again...and again.
But today was different. The most pleasant surprise I got from my sojourn cost a mere $4. Isn't it terribly charming? And purple? I think it just might be love....
No folks, it's not a pipe. It's a purple see-through plastic recorder. If anyone happened to spend their childhood years under a rock, a recorder is the first musical instrument most public school kids get shoved in their hands. And I was no exception. I played the crap out of my little beige recorder. And had the recorder makers of the 80's had the foresight to make them purple, you might have seen a musical commitment from me that would have made Yo-Yo Ma look like a screw off. But alas, the world never got to experience that untapped talent. Until today. I've already dusted off two of my favorite jams: Heaven is a Place on Earth by Belinda Carlisle...and Hot Cross Buns. And boy, were those buns HOT tonight. And quite cross.
Check out the quality craftsmanship:
Who knew Old Navy was now a supplier of sub-par musical instruments? I'll be going back next week to scour the shelves in the hopes of finding a hot-pink glockenspiel. But for now, excuse me...I have to go practice. I'm trying to master the Mozart Requiem by sunrise.
But today was different. The most pleasant surprise I got from my sojourn cost a mere $4. Isn't it terribly charming? And purple? I think it just might be love....
No folks, it's not a pipe. It's a purple see-through plastic recorder. If anyone happened to spend their childhood years under a rock, a recorder is the first musical instrument most public school kids get shoved in their hands. And I was no exception. I played the crap out of my little beige recorder. And had the recorder makers of the 80's had the foresight to make them purple, you might have seen a musical commitment from me that would have made Yo-Yo Ma look like a screw off. But alas, the world never got to experience that untapped talent. Until today. I've already dusted off two of my favorite jams: Heaven is a Place on Earth by Belinda Carlisle...and Hot Cross Buns. And boy, were those buns HOT tonight. And quite cross.Check out the quality craftsmanship:
Who knew Old Navy was now a supplier of sub-par musical instruments? I'll be going back next week to scour the shelves in the hopes of finding a hot-pink glockenspiel. But for now, excuse me...I have to go practice. I'm trying to master the Mozart Requiem by sunrise.
In My Head....
This is the song that I'm desperately trying to get out of my head this morning. It's from one of my favorite musicals, Avenue Q, and it's not really a song that's appropriate for me as a Human Resources employee to be singing in the office.
WARNING: If you're at work or have little kids around...be careful with the volume. The lyrics are definitely NSFW.
I can't believe I put the abbreviation 'NSFW' on one of my posts. I feel like Perez Hilton. EW.
WARNING: If you're at work or have little kids around...be careful with the volume. The lyrics are definitely NSFW.
I can't believe I put the abbreviation 'NSFW' on one of my posts. I feel like Perez Hilton. EW.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
More office fun...and Larry King.
As you can probably tell, I've changed the template on the ol' Rant of Yen. I was tired of all the green, and needed to shake things up. As my co-worker, Jasmin was skimming through the Rant this morning, she calls my office, and informs me of the following...
"You know, as I've been reading your blog, I've realized your new background reminds me of the Larry King Show. So when I'm reading your posts, all I'm thinking of is Larry King."
Great. When people think of me, they're thinking of an impossibly old frog-man in suspenders. Named LARRY. Who sometimes also looks like an alien or a Simpsons character. This does not help to promote the obvious sexiness that I strive to maintain on this site.
Methinks another template change might be required.
"You know, as I've been reading your blog, I've realized your new background reminds me of the Larry King Show. So when I'm reading your posts, all I'm thinking of is Larry King."
Great. When people think of me, they're thinking of an impossibly old frog-man in suspenders. Named LARRY. Who sometimes also looks like an alien or a Simpsons character. This does not help to promote the obvious sexiness that I strive to maintain on this site.
Methinks another template change might be required.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Today at the Office
It's been cold and rainy here in LA the last few days. I welcome it. I love the rain, and my obsession with all things weather-related reaches a fever pitch this time of the year. Ask anyone that knows me well about this ridiculous weather fascination of mine. A good tornado video is like porn to me. I'M. A. DORK.
The only downside to cold weather is that the building I work in is SO poorly insulated, I think it may actually be made with tinker toys (unconfirmed). Consequently, the office inside is an ice box when it's cold outside, even though the heat is on. My office mate wears a beanie on his balding head all day long, and I'm wearing my jacket. Then I got a brilliant beyond brilliant idea this morning. Here is our exchange:
Me: Hey Bizz, let's get matching Snuggies for our office!
Bizz: (Pausing, with an incredulous look) NO.
Me: C'mon, how funny would--
Bizz: No, Jen. NO.
He was insistent. It's funny what things people will take a firm stance on. With Obama, it's health care. For Bizz, it's a cheap backwards robe blankety thing. But in my defense, this is same man that just last week chased me down the parking lot and into the street with a dead rat in a box. I really thought that getting him on board for this craziness would be easy. Nay, sir.
After hearing our conversation, one of our co-workers walked in and introduced us to this piece of YouTube beauty:
Fantastic.
The only downside to cold weather is that the building I work in is SO poorly insulated, I think it may actually be made with tinker toys (unconfirmed). Consequently, the office inside is an ice box when it's cold outside, even though the heat is on. My office mate wears a beanie on his balding head all day long, and I'm wearing my jacket. Then I got a brilliant beyond brilliant idea this morning. Here is our exchange:
Me: Hey Bizz, let's get matching Snuggies for our office!
Bizz: (Pausing, with an incredulous look) NO.
Me: C'mon, how funny would--
Bizz: No, Jen. NO.
He was insistent. It's funny what things people will take a firm stance on. With Obama, it's health care. For Bizz, it's a cheap backwards robe blankety thing. But in my defense, this is same man that just last week chased me down the parking lot and into the street with a dead rat in a box. I really thought that getting him on board for this craziness would be easy. Nay, sir.
After hearing our conversation, one of our co-workers walked in and introduced us to this piece of YouTube beauty:
Fantastic.
Monday, January 11, 2010
Firsts for 2010
The new year may only be 10 days old, but I've already done 3 new things that I'm excited about.
New thing #1- First Football Game: I went to my first football game (outside of high school football, which hardly counts), and what a big one it was! It was the BCS championship game at the Rose Bowl between Alabama and Texas last week. AND IT WAS FREE. Allow me to explain....
My friend (and roomie) Rebecca and I took the afternoon off work, and headed down to the Rose Bowl to see what has been going on in our Pasadena backyard. Our objective was not to go to the game (we did not have tickets), but rather soak up the human experience in the form of redneck tailgaters. And while neither of us had any specific allegiance to either team, we decided to root for Alabama. For me, some of my good friends are die hard Bama fans, and for Becca, Alabama is closer in geographic proximity to her home state of Georgia. Hey, it's better than picking them based on who had the prettiest uniforms.
Upon arrival at the tailgate party outside the Rose Bowl, our first order of business was beer. This turned out to be more difficult than I expected. We waited an hour for Bud Light. At least it was cold. Because of the long line, the only sensible thing to do was to buy two. So I did.
Becca knows her beer. And she knows what's crap, and what's good. So consequently, she's NEVER HAD A BUD LIGHT. Why would she? Since that was the only option, she sucked it up and braved the nastiness. You can tell she's a little unsure of the drink she's just committed to.
But like any good girl, she drained that puppy. Such pride for my pal Becca.
After the beers and a phenomenal bratwurst, we wandered over to the Goo-Goo Dolls concert that was being put on by ESPN. It was what you'd expect of a Goo-Goo Dolls show...it was fine. Nothing earth shattering. We staked out a spot, which is where we came across this gallant gentleman:
He likes boobs.
Then we meet these guys, who are the brothers of one of my co-workers (she's not pictured).
After they got interviewed by CBS for their fabulous attire, the one on the left asked us if we wanted to go to the game. We said that it would be fun, but we really couldn't afford scalped ticket prices, and our plan was just to be a part of the tailgating fun and go home. That was unacceptable. He then quickly procured a couple tickets, tossed them in my popcorn bag, and told us to have fun. To which Rebecca asked, "Um, are we gonna have to sleep with you for these?"
We didn't. He was just that generous. Wow. Here's me with my ticket and my kettle corn.
We got inside the stadium just in time for fireworks and the national anthem.
Kickoff!
An incredible night, and a fabulous game. Thanks Paul, our mysterious ticket man, wherever you are.
New Thing #2- Baking: I'm no slouch in the kitchen, but baking is not my forte. I get worried that everything I bake is going to be undercooked, so consequently everything is overdone and dried out. Delish. In my quest to become a better baker, my mom gave me a Kitchen-Aid mixer for Christmas, and it's the best toy I've gotten in years. (Note: Referring to a kitchen appliance as a 'toy' officially makes you an adult...in a little bit o' denial.) Anyway, I made chocolate chip banana bread last night, and I'm terribly proud of it. It tasted like heaven. I even documented the action, just for you. You're welcome.
My mess.
The finished product. Not burned. Moist. Delicious. A success.
New Thing #3- Blogging: I've been MIA for well over a month, and my blogging record has not been stellar over the last few months. So this is my first 2010 post, making it my last new thing. I guess that's good because it means I'm out there living life. I'm just not telling both my readers about it. That is, if I even have 2 readers left....hello? Hello?
I know I've said it before, and I'll probably say it again, but I'm gonna try better with the blogging. I'm always happier if I'm writing. Remind me of this later when I become an apathetic blogger again. Thanks.
Happy 2010!
New thing #1- First Football Game: I went to my first football game (outside of high school football, which hardly counts), and what a big one it was! It was the BCS championship game at the Rose Bowl between Alabama and Texas last week. AND IT WAS FREE. Allow me to explain....
My friend (and roomie) Rebecca and I took the afternoon off work, and headed down to the Rose Bowl to see what has been going on in our Pasadena backyard. Our objective was not to go to the game (we did not have tickets), but rather soak up the human experience in the form of redneck tailgaters. And while neither of us had any specific allegiance to either team, we decided to root for Alabama. For me, some of my good friends are die hard Bama fans, and for Becca, Alabama is closer in geographic proximity to her home state of Georgia. Hey, it's better than picking them based on who had the prettiest uniforms.
Upon arrival at the tailgate party outside the Rose Bowl, our first order of business was beer. This turned out to be more difficult than I expected. We waited an hour for Bud Light. At least it was cold. Because of the long line, the only sensible thing to do was to buy two. So I did.
Becca knows her beer. And she knows what's crap, and what's good. So consequently, she's NEVER HAD A BUD LIGHT. Why would she? Since that was the only option, she sucked it up and braved the nastiness. You can tell she's a little unsure of the drink she's just committed to.
But like any good girl, she drained that puppy. Such pride for my pal Becca.
After the beers and a phenomenal bratwurst, we wandered over to the Goo-Goo Dolls concert that was being put on by ESPN. It was what you'd expect of a Goo-Goo Dolls show...it was fine. Nothing earth shattering. We staked out a spot, which is where we came across this gallant gentleman:
He likes boobs.Then we meet these guys, who are the brothers of one of my co-workers (she's not pictured).
After they got interviewed by CBS for their fabulous attire, the one on the left asked us if we wanted to go to the game. We said that it would be fun, but we really couldn't afford scalped ticket prices, and our plan was just to be a part of the tailgating fun and go home. That was unacceptable. He then quickly procured a couple tickets, tossed them in my popcorn bag, and told us to have fun. To which Rebecca asked, "Um, are we gonna have to sleep with you for these?"We didn't. He was just that generous. Wow. Here's me with my ticket and my kettle corn.
We got inside the stadium just in time for fireworks and the national anthem.
Kickoff!
An incredible night, and a fabulous game. Thanks Paul, our mysterious ticket man, wherever you are.
New Thing #2- Baking: I'm no slouch in the kitchen, but baking is not my forte. I get worried that everything I bake is going to be undercooked, so consequently everything is overdone and dried out. Delish. In my quest to become a better baker, my mom gave me a Kitchen-Aid mixer for Christmas, and it's the best toy I've gotten in years. (Note: Referring to a kitchen appliance as a 'toy' officially makes you an adult...in a little bit o' denial.) Anyway, I made chocolate chip banana bread last night, and I'm terribly proud of it. It tasted like heaven. I even documented the action, just for you. You're welcome.
My mess.
The finished product. Not burned. Moist. Delicious. A success.
New Thing #3- Blogging: I've been MIA for well over a month, and my blogging record has not been stellar over the last few months. So this is my first 2010 post, making it my last new thing. I guess that's good because it means I'm out there living life. I'm just not telling both my readers about it. That is, if I even have 2 readers left....hello? Hello?
I know I've said it before, and I'll probably say it again, but I'm gonna try better with the blogging. I'm always happier if I'm writing. Remind me of this later when I become an apathetic blogger again. Thanks.
Happy 2010!
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